


Canning

by seekergeek



Category: Stargate Atlantis
Genre: BDSM, Crack, Humor, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-04-28
Updated: 2012-04-28
Packaged: 2017-11-04 10:56:55
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 830
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/393065
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/seekergeek/pseuds/seekergeek
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"I thought it was a typo," he finally replied, nonplussed. "I just assumed that you were asking for, um, something else."</p>
            </blockquote>





	Canning

**Author's Note:**

> BLAME FOR FEEDING THE DAMNED BUNNY GOES TO [livejournal.com profile] lavvyan , [livejournal.com profile] sabinelagrande and [livejournal.com profile] aliaras 
> 
> LET THIS BE A LESSON TO ALL MY FRIENDS. NEVER ENCOURAGE, POKE OR FEED MY CRACK BUNNIES. NO, REALLY. BECAUSE THIS IS WHAT YOU WILL GET. *hangs head in shame, SHAME, I TELL YOU!*

John stared at the can of peas in his hand. This was a surprise.

"What?" Rodney said defensively, crossing his arms. "I thought I was perfectly clear in my email about what I wanted!"

John's brain hiccuped as he read the label again. Le Sueur Peas. "I thought it was a typo," he finally replied, nonplussed. "I just assumed that you were asking for, um, something else."

Rodney's face squinched up into a scowl and he uncrossed his arms in order to flail them in agitation at John. "Since when have I ever made a typo in email? Do I really have to point out that I spend my life attached to some computer or another in a job where accuracy is crucial to the continued existence of me and everyone else around me, Colonel?"

John flushed and bit his lip. "No." His gaze came back to rest on the can of peas still cradled in his hand. The label helpfully mentioned that it contained fourteen point five ounces of peas underneath the picture. Jesus. Only Rodney. And John had foolishly thought that he'd be cool with this.

"Oh, god," Rodney broke out, starting to sound panicked now. "This is weirding you out, isn't it? You said you'd be okay with this! You nagged me for weeks to tell you what I wanted!"

True, John thought. But that had been back when he'd thought that it would be something less...food related. "Why peas?" popped out of his mouth, and then he winced because he really REALLY didn't want to know.

Fortunately, Rodney turned beet red and mumbled, "It's, it's personal," as he stared at his bare toes. Despite the bizarre turn this whole scene had taken, Rodney's cock remained hard, bobbing and eager.

Thankful that he'd been spared what was, in all likelihood, a story of epic and truly strange proportions, John eyed Rodney's cock and then the can of peas again. Right. He had asked, repeatedly, and Rodney had told him. It was his own damned fault that he'd read it wrong. "So, is there anything else we might need to get from the kitchen? Olive oil? Jam? A blender?" John asked sarcastically. Might as well. It couldn't get any weirder as far as he was concerned. Seriously, a can of PEAS.

Rodney tilted his chin up, crossed his arms again and said with stiff dignity, "No. And if you're going to continue to mock me, I'll just be taking my can of peas and leaving, thank you very much."

The implication that once Rodney left with his peas he'd never be coming back again brought John up short. "Whoa, buddy," he said, putting out a placating hand. "Just kidding there. You don't need to go anywhere."

Rodney, still looking aggrieved and embarrassed, turned away from John to study the wall. "You...if you don't want to, I'd understand. We can just do the usual thing."

As much as John loved blowjobs, he had been looking for something different to get Rodney off. It took forever for the guy to just let go and come, and John had really been looking forward to giving his jaw a break tonight. So McKay was a little kinkier that he'd originally anticipated. If John could handle space vampires, he could certainly handle a little food related kink, right? He came up behind Rodney and murmured in his ear, "This'll really get you off? You'll actually come if I just do things like this to you?" John took the can of peas and rubbed it down Rodney's back.

Rodney gave a full body shudder and said unsteadily, "Y-yes. Well, more like hitting me with it, but that's, that's a real nice way to warm up."

John firmed up his resolve. He could do this. He'd been prepared to do the other thing, and really, this wasn't that much different. He rubbed the can back up Rodney's back and watching with growing fascination as the man shuddered again. "Put your hands on the wall," he ordered.

Rodney obeyed with alacrity. John rubbed the can up and down Rodney's back a few more times before he drew it back and gave Rodney's back a good solid thump with it.

Rodney let loose a groan that seemed to come from his toes up, and a jolt of lust ran through John. Okay, as weird as it was, this was working for him now. John didn't normally get that kind of noise out of Rodney until a minimum of forty five minutes into a blow job. "Come on, Rodney, let me hear it," John urged as he hit Rodney with the can of peas again. "You promised that you can come just from this. Prove it to me."

Rodney moaned loud and long and John began raining blows onto his back and ass in earnest with the can. If his buddy wanted a canning, then John was determined to give him the best damned canning ever.


End file.
